she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
