If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
