Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize