I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize