What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
