i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
