I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
