Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
