girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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