His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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