We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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