I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
