you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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