I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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