Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
