dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
