UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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