I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
