dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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