Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't deserve a penis
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
