That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
