Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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