Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
