So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
