i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
