sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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