MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
