dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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