Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
