Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
