yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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