I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
