we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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