I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My underwear smells like fireworks.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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