so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize