Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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