the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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