Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
