do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
