This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
