was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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