I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
