So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
