hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize