i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
