what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
