You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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