Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize