I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
