at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize