True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
It was confusing and full of hummus
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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