Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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