you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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