WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
