You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
