I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
