why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
