I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
