This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
