Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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