we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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