I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
