guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
