I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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