dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
