I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
