I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
