at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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