Don't make out with my wife yet
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
