I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
