the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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