Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I just blew my weed a kiss
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize