You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
