OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize