Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
