Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize