I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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