Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
