He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
