If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
and you fell through a lawn chair
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