Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
