I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
