Plan B is the new Plan A
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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