Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
