Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
