I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
