I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
