I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
