I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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