do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
