All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
