Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
