Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
