I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
