I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
