I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
