If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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